“Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. Some things are up to us and some things are not up to us.” – Epictetus Perhaps the key Stoic idea is to focus on what you can control. There are a limited things that we can actually control — our actions, words, thoughts, beliefs. And then there’s everything else: other people, the weather, world events, disasters.

“Seek not for events to happen as you wish but rather wish for events to happen as they do and your life will go smoothly.” – Epictetus If something is outside of our control, then the Stoic approach is to accept it. But it’s more than that: it’s to learn to love it. This is also called, in other circles, “loving what is.” And it’s powerful. You can love the weather.

The Stoics had a powerful practice of rehearsing misfortune in their heads. In this way, they were prepared for whatever happened. They could relax, and accept whatever the day brought, because they had already experienced disaster, pestilence, plague, death in the morning. They would ask what could go wrong, and then imagine it happening. They might mentally prepare for what they’d do. They’d see that the event isn’t negative but indifferent.

In my Zen study, I found a phrase that has helped me tremendously: See everything as your teacher. Everything. When someone is upset with me, or being frustrating, they’re my teacher. When I think I’m right and someone is telling me I’m not, they’re my teacher. When I encounter anyone out in public doing something I don’t like, they’re my teacher. Even setbacks. The Stoics believed this too: setbacks are opportunities.

When we’re young, we develop a set of preferences — what we like to eat, what’s comfortable for us, how we like other people to be, what we like to do. As we get older, those preferences can harden into strong views. Even into requirements: I can’t function without my morning coffee, without the right setup on my computer, without things being just so. What if we could loosen attachment to those preferences?